I grew up in a small town. I was a bit naive when I went to college and looking back I appreciate that. I left my comfort zone bubble in a big way then. My influencers changed in both good and negative ways. I have cherished friendships from those days, and some that I know made me feel like I wasn't enough.
I've always been pretty quiet and totally introverted, so I stuck out like a sore thumb when I was in the spotlight.
I remember taking a University 101 class and the teacher wanted us to tell the class our favorite song, and the story behind WHY we picked it. I broke out in a cold sweat. The radio in my car had been broken for years. I listened to mixed cd's my friends made me. I wasn't up to date with "popular" music and was so nervous to answer. What if my answer wasn't cool, or I sounded like a total idiot. That's how much I didn't want to be different.
When it was my turn and the focus of the class was waiting on my answer, my face turned bright pink, my palms were sweaty, and my heart was pounding. The song I shared didn't have a story. It was the "cool" answer I thought would help me fit in. The way I felt, thought, and how I voiced my opinion was based on how I felt others perceived me. I desperately didn't want to standout or showcase how shy and "uncool" I felt on the inside. I wanted to hide under the table. That was the girl on the left. I was stuck in that self sabotaging mindset for years.
When I found Beachbody I was ROCK BOTTOM.
After years of putting myself through the ringer in the most ridiculous relation"shits", I so badly wanted to feel better that I was FINALLY ready to start putting myself together and mending whatever self inflicted wounds I had allowed myself to endure. With every pound I lost, I gained 5 in confidence. With every drop of sweat (and tears) I got stronger.
If there was an old version of myself crying on the floor, the new version of myself was strong enough to grab her by the hand, pull her on her feet, whispering in my ear, "It's time to go. We aren't staying here anymore".
I discovered the girl I always wanted to be. My self worth was no longer based on the stupid guy I liked and if he liked me back. It was no longer an AFFIRMATION I needed to prove I was worthy of love, kindness, or attention. I no longer gave a shit. I was tired of being that girl. I became way too busy working on me to care. Instead, I knew I was working to become the girl that would attract the kind of man I always prayed for.
I don't talk about my faith as much as I should, but I'm convinced my introduction to P90X through a YouTube video was God's answer to my pleading prayers for help. I was lost, and He found me. He set me straight.
The girl I found is strong. I know I'm creating a legacy, paving a path to chase my dreams, leaving mediocrity at the door, and able to give up the good to go for the great. My transformation was more than physical. It touched me in places I didn't know I needed.
If you related to this and are struggling with losing weight, your own relation"shits", faith, confidence, or just need a friend...my inbox is always open. I'd love to connect with you.